5 Ingredients for Healthy Relationships
Hello friends,
For those of you who don’t me, I have worked in public health for many years. I love public health and my brain is often processing relationship dynamics and coaching skills through a health lens. Although, I don’t subscribe to most health trends I do have solid ideals/goals which guide my choices for my physical health.
eat fruits and vegetables
drink water
move my body as much as possible
get lots of sleep
stay connected with people
get outside
I have been thinking about my overarching ideals/relationship goals. These apply to all kinds of relationships, friends, coworkers, parents, children, romantic, etc. Here is a current working list. Feel free to send me ideas or counter arguments.
Be kind. This is not to be confused with people pleasing. Holding boundaries can be kind, saying no can be kind, and even breaking up can be kind. What is not kind is name calling, criticizing, giving the silent treatment, stonewalling, etc. When we hurt, it feels good to hurt back. Most of the time we don’t even know we are doing it. When we become aware of the behavior we can feel justified. These acts of disrespect hurt your relationship and can feel misaligned with your personal integrity. This is a lifetime practice. Let’s work on this one together.
Take 100% accountability for any and all ways you have been contributing to disconnect and challenges.
Look for what’s working and each other’s strengths. Seeing the good, thoughtful, beautiful things about other people are major deposits in your “love accounts”. The more you have in your love account, the more cushion you have for the hard times.
Be honest. I’m cool with having some privacy. Although, secrets and withholding important information breaks down trust. Without trust, you don’t have a safe and stable foundation for the relationship.
Hold and honor boundaries. To have and hold boundaries, you need a strong sense of self. You know what you want, what you’re comfortable with, and what you are willing to do with your time and energy. You are willing to hold steady when people are disappointed, hurt, or mad at the boundaries you set. If you aren’t sure whether you have good boundaries, check out the video below on the 9 signs of poor boundaries.
When you don’t drink enough water or move your body you will start to feel uncomfortable, maybe achy or lightheaded. When you stop looking for the good in each other and seeing your part in the situation, you will start feeling uncomfortable in your relationship, maybe resentful or critical. If you find yourself struggling with the list above, pay attention and decide how you want to change things. As always, I am here if you want to support.
Recommendation
Dr. Rumani Duvasulsa explains the 9 Signs of Poor Boundaries
With loving support,
Mallory